The Andy Hayman and Heidi show ... the Metropolitan Police Farce

The Metropolitan Police Force is tracking down up to £3 million in "missing" and highly questionable expenses expenses after financial controls on American Express cards issued to officers, Records are in a "complete mess". Apparently MP Head of Terrism Andy Hayman who cam in for some heavy flack over the murder of de Menezes has been ...er..."helping the Police with their enquiries"

Handy Andy can also expect a close examination of the nature of the "entirely profesional" function of former glamorous staff officer, Sergeant Heidi Tubby. Heidi accompanied Handy Andy on er..er.... business trips.

Anyway Andy has had enough of policing and has handed in hus lunch pail (not believed to be as big as the one recently handed in by Sphincter of the Yard Peter Clarke - his pal on the terror stalking beat.

MPA chairman Len Duvall who has a wide and fasniating range of intrests in property in the Thames basin ,***is quoted in the Daily Telegraph : "Andy Hayman has made enormous strides in building the new national arrangements for counter terrorism, as well as modernising the Specialist Operations Directorate in the Met."

*** Saturday, January 20, 2007 Don't Mess with the Met OK ? says Chairman Len

\\Update : Beats patrolling the beat in Norfolk when Andy was there in 2004 (BBC)

Update Wednesday :

Sir IanBlair Chief Liar at New Scotland Yard ( at present) said in a statement: "I fully understand his decision to leave at this time and wish him well for the future."

Hopeless and confused Home Secretary, Jacqui "Cleavage"Smith, said: "Andy Hayman has been at the forefront of the police's work to protect our country from the terrorist threat." ... except when fiddling his expenses and shagging Heidi ar a Heathrow Airport Hotel prior to jetting off when he has a flat provided by the Met in London.

GOOD NEWS for Terrists : due to Handy Andy's premature ejaculation Peter Clarke will NOT be handing in his vast lunch pail just yet.